"I just slipped on a tortilla, as if it were a banana peel." Sam
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"I'm getting rid of the crayons first... because they're PISSING me off!" Lyndsay
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"If I had a dress and was 68 years old, I'd be my mother." Darin D.
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"Oh no..." Andy
"What?" Darin D.
"I don't have exact change..." Andy
"Oh no!!" Darin D., in an exaggerated manner.
"I'll have to get into my pants..." Andy, leaving the office.
"Andy! Come back!" Sam
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"Do I have Capital One written on my boobs?!" Sam
"I dunno... I'll start checking." Cody
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"Why does everyone make fun of my voice?" Mayra
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"I said nothing. The End." Herbie
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"I wish I could go up to my table and say, "Tell me everything you want, I'll bring it all at once, then I'm DONE!" Murphy
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"They can see your soul through your TV!" Murphy
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"Fucking breeders..." Murphy
"Are you allowed to say that??" Sam
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"Hell, I'd marry Ryan... that's how much I care about marriage." Sam
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"I don't know why, but he's scared of me." Sam
"Because you're ferocious." Boom Boom
"I don't know what that means!" Sam
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"Who here thinks Neil is cute?" Kareem. Everyone raises their hands.
"Does that make me kinda gay?" Overman
"No... does that make me kinda straight?" Sam
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"Tell them they have to go fishing early to catch a black Tracy!" Tracy
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"Why do you have to bring up the penis? Can't talk to you without penis coming up." Roach, to Herbie.
"That's his number one interest. On his facebook, it says 'Interests: Penis." Sam
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"It's dark and filled with alcohol... perfect for a nap." Rachael on the liquor closet.
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"That's not unreasonable. I just want to be slammed." Herbie
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"I can't understand your writing." Mayra
"You're not supposed to." Sam
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"My droommate is walking my drog." Sam (My roommate is walking my dog.)
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"You asshole." Sam
"Shut up and make me food." Rachael
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"Yeah, so we're all pregnant." Chasity, to Murph and Mayra.
"I do a good job." Herbie
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"It's freakin Audrey Hepburn right there." Murphy
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"Only if it's Darin." Ryan, on being poked.
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"I still wanna poke you..." Murphy
"Murphy just poked Sam and she liked it! She's smiling!" Ryan
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"That is your language... that isn't like... English cursive." Murphy, on Sam's handwriting.
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"Make it a game... play with yourself!" Darin D.
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"...instead of getting pounded when you do the negative thing." Darin B.
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"Get two.. so I can show her how's it's done." Sam, about Muff Diver shots on Tiffany B.'s birthday.
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"We're team flirt..." Togo
"What?" Sam
"We flirt as a team... apparently we can't flirt on our own." Lyndsay
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"The muff diver is a pretty hot shot." Sam
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"So... You know what's weird... when you get drunk texts from your mom." Lyndsay
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"I went pee like FIVE times." Tiffany B.
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"I'm sorry. I'm drunk. It doesn't work as well." Sam
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"I go to drunk work all the time." Togo
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"Does anyone like titties?" Kareem, in a staff meeting.
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"Hungry?" Sam
"I want your meat." Tiffany W.
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"Why are you being so mean?" Chasity
"She's in a good mood." Rob
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"I don't take medicine often... but when I do..." Lyndsay
"You take a lot?" Sam
"No... I take cough syrup." Lyndsay
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