Mass Update

"I like just one voice in my head, and right now it's Lil Wayne. So you leave me alone." Roach
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"Can you see without your glasses?" Roach to Neil.
"WHO SAID THAT?!" Sean
(Cody thought Neil said what Sean said and wet himself.
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"Hey Roach, Cody's got a little bit of chafing. Can you take care of that? Put a little bit of powder on him?" Darin D.
"I'm not doing that again!" Roach
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"I wish I had a magic wand that turned douchebags into normal people." Murph
"I wish I had a magic wand that turned normal people into great tippers." Sam
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"That's the risk of being straight."
"...Breeders!" Lyndsay
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"But I already have a daughter." Tom
"Breeder." Lyndsay
"You're a gay racist!" Tom
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"You know, I lay in bed thinking about boobs." Darin D.
"Haha... that was a funny joke." Chasity
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"I wonder if business would pick up if we started selling Gorditas." Becky
"I wonder if business would pick up if we went topless." Sam
"Topless?" Boom Boom
"Yeah." Sam
"Ha! We could call it GG's!" Becky, while shimmying.
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Dear Servers:
Please do not come behind the bar for ANY reason EXCEPT putting away glassware. If a Bartender is not available to you, a manager is. :-) If you do not comply, we (the Bartenders) have decided your punishment will be to spend the night with Tracy/be tarred & feathered. [Your choice.]
[Seriously, don't do it.]
<3 The Bartenders
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"Not if you train your baby. Babies can be trained!" Lyndsay
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"I just had a bad thought. We could enslave the Africans so that they could pay for the teleportation device. Then I realized that we've already doing that." Sam (on building transporter devices to feed the Africans and how to pay for the device.)
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"Bumps on a dead goose. Ok. I get it now." Sam
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"The homo giveth and the homo can taketh away." Darin D.
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"You don't know how many guests have received food that my breasts have gone into." Bianca
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Mr. Keith writes "BFD" on the host stand.
"BFD?" Justin O.
"Big Fucking Deal." Mr. Keith
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"You just don't suck well." Sam
"Well, I've never had any complaints." Lyndsay
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"It's my specialty... subtle creepiness." Boom Boom
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"You know what? That's just a sign that God wants me to get more drunk." Murph
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(At Chili's)
"You know for just two more dollars more, you can take that shaker home." Sam
"Really? Cause I can just throw it in my purse and tell them there was a bug in my friend's food." Lyndsay
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"Let's go to the porn store!" Kareem
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"Shadow people are creepy as hell!" Lyndsay
"One day, I will be a shadow people." Sam
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"'It's so hot!' It's a portal to Hell!" Lyndsay
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Answers to "Why are you in the bar? (just the funny ones)":
"Well I'm beautiful..." Boom Boom
"Because no one would come in that day." Tiffany
"Old white guys like me." Togo
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"If you're stressed out, you look constipated." Darin D.
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"Mind fuck yourself." Darin D.
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"Can we write "GEM SCORES" on my tatas?" Togo
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"I would go out on a limb and say yes... because... I can." Mr. Keith
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"So basically, we want you guys to be whores." Darin D.
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" You all know, that I'll be the one to sit you down and say, 'You know that maybe that wasn't the best thing to do.'" Mr. Keith
"That's not how you say it!" Kareem
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"You look very nourishing." Kareem to Sam